Elder Jansen Payne - Still Alive

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to send a quick update on how things are going with my mission prep. To be honest, it's been a bit tougher than I expected. Home MTC has been kind of depressing. I don't get to see many people besides my family, and it's starting to feel a little like I'm stuck in a routine that isn't changing much. I only leave the house for a few errands, like picking up Swig with Owen or going shopping with my mom, and that’s about it. I’ve been trying to keep busy by building Legos, but even that isn’t enough to keep my mind off feeling like I’m going a little crazy.

One of the hardest parts is that I feel like I’ve already gone through all the training I needed to do at home. It’s the same stuff over and over, and mentally I’ve kind of checked out. I really miss hanging out with friends, going out to get pizza, and just having some variety in my day. I know it's just a temporary phase, but it's been hard not to feel frustrated with the monotony.

That said, I know this is just a part of the process, and I’m trying my best to stick with it. I’m holding onto the hope that things will improve once I get to the Provo MTC. I know it'll be different there—more structured, more people, more opportunity for growth—and I’m really looking forward to that change. Right now, my feelings about the mission overall aren’t the best, but I also know that this is God’s will for me, not mine. So, I’m trying to focus on that and just keep going, even when it's hard. The way I think about it is like "cutting down a tree"—sometimes you just have to put your head down and keep chopping, even if it feels like it’s taking forever.

Thanks so much for your support and love. I’m doing my best, and I know things will get better as I move forward.

Elder Payne